Tuesday, July 3, 2012
What a Difference a Year Makes...Again
I have ignored my blog for a myriad of reasons and for that I am sorry. Writing is my passion and my therapy and I have really gotten back into it in the last few months. I have started writing again, am working on a novel, and am really excited about a lot of things going on in my life right now. And yes, some of those things involve Coach. There is so much to tell, ups and downs to recount, and all the stories I mentioned in previous posts that I promised to tell another time. Those stories will come, though I am sure no one reads this anymore and anyone who does is thinking, "Yeah right, she said that a few months ago." But this is something I mean this time, though yes I did mean it last time too. I just got distracted. Finishing a Master's degree will do that. But I am following my bliss again, and that journey will be recorded here quite shortly.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Long Time, No See
So I have been MIA from the blogging world for roughly four months. Most of you (and by most of I mean, the three of you) who read this blog know exactly why. I have been encouraged by Spain to blog again and she is quite wonderful in helping me when I need it most. So I just wanted to say that I will be back shortly and all my ridiculous adventures will be revealed for your amusement at my stupidity, and lack of both foresight and hindsight.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
What a Difference a Year Makes
If you haven't noticed yet, I'm big on the symbolism and signs and all that crap. It is honestly exhausting sometimes, but the OCD part of me simply doesn't allow me to stop recognizing these things. Everything means something; Coach touched nearly every aspect of my life and I can't help that but I know I can change how I associate things from here on out. On the other hand, I feel like I have to believe that everything means something, because if not, if there's no meaning to anything, then to me that is even more depressing.
Last night is a perfect example of this.
Former Roomie was in town and we haven't seen each other since my birthday in January. One of her friends was in town from Vegas so we met them at a bar, then F.R. and I went to Happy Hour and later got a text from her same friends that they were at my most favorite bar in town.
The same bar I met Coach at.
A year ago, yesterday.
Safe to say, I didn't really want to go. But I did, and I am glad, for a couple reasons. It also really sucked, again for a couple reasons.
First, the good:
1. The bar is always a good time.
2. It was our friend Cory's birthday, so there were lots of people I knew.
3. Bret left the karaoke set-up from Friday so we could have karaoke on Saturday too.
Now the bad:
1. Being at the very place where I'd met Coach a year ago to the day, not so fun at first.
2. Upon getting our first drink and sitting down, someone sang Edwin McCain's "I'll Be" - the first song Coach and I ever danced to, the first night we met. I just remember how sweet he was when he came over and asked for my hand, so it was kind of a gut-punch.
Really, it felt like the universe had to slap me in the face just one more time before I could have a good time. But once I got over the shock of wow, how is this possibly happening, we did have a lot of fun. It doesn't seem like something so significant could just be a coincidence, I just know what it's telling me, you know?
That's kind of what makes this all so exhausting, as I said before. I see these signs and the symbolism sometimes, the exhausting part is trying to figure out what the hell it all means.
Last night is a perfect example of this.
Former Roomie was in town and we haven't seen each other since my birthday in January. One of her friends was in town from Vegas so we met them at a bar, then F.R. and I went to Happy Hour and later got a text from her same friends that they were at my most favorite bar in town.
The same bar I met Coach at.
A year ago, yesterday.
Safe to say, I didn't really want to go. But I did, and I am glad, for a couple reasons. It also really sucked, again for a couple reasons.
First, the good:
1. The bar is always a good time.
2. It was our friend Cory's birthday, so there were lots of people I knew.
3. Bret left the karaoke set-up from Friday so we could have karaoke on Saturday too.
Now the bad:
1. Being at the very place where I'd met Coach a year ago to the day, not so fun at first.
2. Upon getting our first drink and sitting down, someone sang Edwin McCain's "I'll Be" - the first song Coach and I ever danced to, the first night we met. I just remember how sweet he was when he came over and asked for my hand, so it was kind of a gut-punch.
Really, it felt like the universe had to slap me in the face just one more time before I could have a good time. But once I got over the shock of wow, how is this possibly happening, we did have a lot of fun. It doesn't seem like something so significant could just be a coincidence, I just know what it's telling me, you know?
That's kind of what makes this all so exhausting, as I said before. I see these signs and the symbolism sometimes, the exhausting part is trying to figure out what the hell it all means.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Unlikely Inspiration
Anyone who knows me knows that I can't stand Taylor Swift. I can't stand her voice, can't stand how much she squints all the time - seriously how hard is it to open your eyes like a normal person? Her performance with Stevie Nicks a few years ago made my ears bleed, and her lyrics are straight from the diary of a 12 year old girl. However, for reasons I can't explain, a year ago I was compelled to buy whatever cd it is that has "Love Story" on it. "You're Not Sorry", "White Horse", and "Breathe" have been especially helpful the last month and a half because sometimes you need to cry and sappy unrequited-love songs help facilitate that.
Anyway, so I'm driving along today, listening to Squint-Eyes Swift, and "Fifteen" plays. Not a great song, just as whiny and annoying as most of the others, but this line jumped out at me:
"In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team"
Absolutely, positively, 100% true. Sometimes I just need reminders and who knew Taylor Swift would be the one doing doing the reminding.
Anyway, so I'm driving along today, listening to Squint-Eyes Swift, and "Fifteen" plays. Not a great song, just as whiny and annoying as most of the others, but this line jumped out at me:
"In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team"
Absolutely, positively, 100% true. Sometimes I just need reminders and who knew Taylor Swift would be the one doing doing the reminding.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Weekly Update
So this last week has been kind of crazy. Woolly Mammoth University fucked up royally. I'm supposed to be student teaching, which I am, no thanks to them. Placements for student teaching are usually sent out over the summer, within a few weeks of school starting, yet I still hadn't received mine and public schools here start on Tuesday the 16th. So, last Tuesday I email the placement person in my program and she says, "Oh, you start tomorrow, grad student often are forgotten by the general placement office."
Awesome. Anyone else think it's a problem that grad students are forgotten?
So, with my summer suddenly gone without warning, I met with my cooperating teacher at my placement, and everything was fine. I like my cooperating teacher, she's funny, and I think it's going to be a good experience.
My contentedness with this semester lasted about a day. Thanks, Woolly Mammoth U.
Around 9 on Thursday morning (when I am already at my placement again, as we're required to be before school starts) I get a call from someone at the main placement office, asking if I am attending the student teaching meeting.
Um, what?
I told her I didn't know about the meeting, that I emailed another supervisor on Tuesday and asked her about my placement because I hadn't received any info and she had this completely unnecessary attitude with me - like it's my fault that I didn't get this info. She kept saying, "Well, I have your name checked off her that I sent this to you."
Great, you can have my name checked off as many times as you want, it doesn't mean I actually received it.
Then she went on to say that an email was sent out about the meeting as well - something I also didn't receive. Awesome. I apparently wasn't supposed to actually start until Thursday afternoon. What a hassle.
And it gets even better.
Yesterday morning my cooperating teacher texts me and asks me to call my site supervisor to reschedule our meeting. Oh look, another meeting I don't know about. I asked her for my site-supervisor's name so I can call him or her, but she said she would just take care of it quick, since she thought I also received the email about the new meeting, since I missed the first meeting.
Oh, and when I got home yesterday I checked the mail, and my placement letter was finally there - a day too late. Funny that it was postmarked on August 8th, when I was told it was sent out LAST WEEK.
Confused yet?
So am I.
Awesome. Anyone else think it's a problem that grad students are forgotten?
So, with my summer suddenly gone without warning, I met with my cooperating teacher at my placement, and everything was fine. I like my cooperating teacher, she's funny, and I think it's going to be a good experience.
My contentedness with this semester lasted about a day. Thanks, Woolly Mammoth U.
Around 9 on Thursday morning (when I am already at my placement again, as we're required to be before school starts) I get a call from someone at the main placement office, asking if I am attending the student teaching meeting.
Um, what?
I told her I didn't know about the meeting, that I emailed another supervisor on Tuesday and asked her about my placement because I hadn't received any info and she had this completely unnecessary attitude with me - like it's my fault that I didn't get this info. She kept saying, "Well, I have your name checked off her that I sent this to you."
Great, you can have my name checked off as many times as you want, it doesn't mean I actually received it.
Then she went on to say that an email was sent out about the meeting as well - something I also didn't receive. Awesome. I apparently wasn't supposed to actually start until Thursday afternoon. What a hassle.
And it gets even better.
Yesterday morning my cooperating teacher texts me and asks me to call my site supervisor to reschedule our meeting. Oh look, another meeting I don't know about. I asked her for my site-supervisor's name so I can call him or her, but she said she would just take care of it quick, since she thought I also received the email about the new meeting, since I missed the first meeting.
Oh, and when I got home yesterday I checked the mail, and my placement letter was finally there - a day too late. Funny that it was postmarked on August 8th, when I was told it was sent out LAST WEEK.
Confused yet?
So am I.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
FRIENDS Dating
So I have talked about this briefly before; BFF says I have to actually just 'date' - not right now of course, but to date, see each other for a real actual date, no more than 4 or 4 hours tops, then see each other again (if we want to) at least four days later. However, one of the very first texts I saw on TFLN confirms that this is not always the way it goes anymore:
(516): Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So does anyone actually 'date'? BFF tells me that people over the age of 25 do, and obviously has been a plethora of advice and information since the break-up, all in the hopes of avoiding this devastation again. Apparently people do date, and sometimes for the first month or two, they only see each other every 5-6 days. I guess that means I've never really dated, and that I don't know how. With Coach, we just started hanging out together, went on dates, and it evolved into a relationship even though neither of us expected it at first. The Supposed One and I were actually a Facebook-certified couple, PeteWentz and I weren't even Facebook friends, and Army Guy and I were together before Facebook existed beyond the Ivys.
Anyway, I must have given some thought to dating before, because I came across a notebook that had something interesting in it: a list of all the relationships/dates each character from FRIENDS had in the ten years the show was on the air. I know right, weird? But I was looking at it and realized that maybe this is what BFF is talking about - even though yes I realize it is just a television show (albeit the greatest show to ever air, or at least in the top three). So is this what dating is really supposed to look like?
I know, maybe I had too much time on my hands (but to be fair, this is from a few years ago). Anyway, they go on dates, never see some of these people again, the end. I don't know, at least with Coach, we just wanted to see each other all the time, so we did. Maybe that wasn't a good idea, given how it ended, but if you like someone and want to get to know them better, shouldn't you hang out with them more? I'm not really good at being patient I suppose, so that's part of the problem. And maybe romcoms and have given me unrealistic expectations about dating. That's why I avoided them - until I started dating Army Guy and developed these annoying things called "feelings". Believe me, and as I'm sure my friends can attest to, life was much easier without them!
(516): Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So does anyone actually 'date'? BFF tells me that people over the age of 25 do, and obviously has been a plethora of advice and information since the break-up, all in the hopes of avoiding this devastation again. Apparently people do date, and sometimes for the first month or two, they only see each other every 5-6 days. I guess that means I've never really dated, and that I don't know how. With Coach, we just started hanging out together, went on dates, and it evolved into a relationship even though neither of us expected it at first. The Supposed One and I were actually a Facebook-certified couple, PeteWentz and I weren't even Facebook friends, and Army Guy and I were together before Facebook existed beyond the Ivys.
Anyway, I must have given some thought to dating before, because I came across a notebook that had something interesting in it: a list of all the relationships/dates each character from FRIENDS had in the ten years the show was on the air. I know right, weird? But I was looking at it and realized that maybe this is what BFF is talking about - even though yes I realize it is just a television show (albeit the greatest show to ever air, or at least in the top three). So is this what dating is really supposed to look like?
| Monica | Joey | Chandler | Phoebe | Ross | Rachel |
| Paul the Wine Guy Alan Kevin Milmore Fun Bobby Coma Guy Howard “I win” Scotty Jarret Fireman Doctor Ethan Fun Bobby Jean Claude Richard Julio Richard Translator Guy Pete Chip Matthews Chandler | Andrea Angela Julie Angela Sandy Angela Delvecio Lorraine Ursula Melanie Annabelle Girl w/ Adam’s apple Girl #1 on bus Denise DeMarco Casting Director Erica Ford Movie Chick Shannon Cooper Stacy Roth Stacy’s Roomie Annie Esposito Annie’s sister Lauren Kate Bride’s maid Random girl Curly haired girl Katie Girl Girl’s roommate Janine Erin Kristin Dark-haired girl Hayley Hayley’s roomie Date “yuck” Smart girl Charlie Rachel Sarah Laura | Janice Aurora Janice Janice Nina Danielle Maureen Rizillo Joan Alison Jade Girl #2 on bus Suzy Moss Janice Joanna Joanna Kathy Janice Monica | Subway Guy Tony Divorced Guy David Coma Guy Roger Puppet Guy Dinner Guy Fireman Duncan Rob Dunnan Ryan (Navy) Malcom Guy Upstairs Robert Sergei Vince Jason Larry Gary Kenny Hums When He Pees Pigeon Guy David 3-day ago date Jake Tim Eric British Guy Cliff Parker Mike David Mike | Carol Kristin Celia Julie Rachel Chloe Kaitlyn Bonnie Rachel Amanda Cheryl Poughkeepsie Girl Uptown Girl Canada Girl Emily Elizabeth Hornswaggle Katlyn Hilary Jill Elizabeth Joan Kristin Mona Barcelona Girl Michelle Katie Charlie Joan Rachel | Barry Tony Dimarco Paolo Pete Carney Adam Fireman Doctor Barry Carol’s doctor Carl Paolo Michael Russ Jean Claude Casey Ross Tommy Ross Joshua Danny Sebastion Tag Gavin Joey Ross |
I know, maybe I had too much time on my hands (but to be fair, this is from a few years ago). Anyway, they go on dates, never see some of these people again, the end. I don't know, at least with Coach, we just wanted to see each other all the time, so we did. Maybe that wasn't a good idea, given how it ended, but if you like someone and want to get to know them better, shouldn't you hang out with them more? I'm not really good at being patient I suppose, so that's part of the problem. And maybe romcoms and have given me unrealistic expectations about dating. That's why I avoided them - until I started dating Army Guy and developed these annoying things called "feelings". Believe me, and as I'm sure my friends can attest to, life was much easier without them!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Laughter Really is the Best Medicine
I don't mean initially. In those first days after a break-up or whatever else might make you want to sit in the dark and bawl your eyes out for hours, laughter is about the last thing on your mind and that's okay. But gradually there is room for it again, as there should be.
I love to laugh, and I don't always mean AT people, despite what BFF and Macadamia might tell you. But really, truly, make me laugh and I'll love you forever. Is there really a better feeling than laughing so hard that you think your sides are going to split, tears in your eyes, gasping for air? I honestly don't think so, because all people really want out of life is to be happy, and laughter helps make that happen - even if it is just for a short time. It's not that you are fighting the sadness or trying to push it away, because ignoring it will only make it stronger. It's just about taking baby steps to get back to normal, and I really believe that laughter helps that. Not laughter alone of course, there are far more components that go into it than that, but it works for me.
So, regardless of what stage you're at, whether it's the eating-ice-cream-for-lunch-in-pajamas stage or the I-finally-opened-the-blinds-and-looked-outside-today stage, I guarantee a laugh from this site to at least get you started:
www.damnyouautocorrect.com
Hopefully some of those submissions at least make you smile. What do you recommend for laughter?
I love to laugh, and I don't always mean AT people, despite what BFF and Macadamia might tell you. But really, truly, make me laugh and I'll love you forever. Is there really a better feeling than laughing so hard that you think your sides are going to split, tears in your eyes, gasping for air? I honestly don't think so, because all people really want out of life is to be happy, and laughter helps make that happen - even if it is just for a short time. It's not that you are fighting the sadness or trying to push it away, because ignoring it will only make it stronger. It's just about taking baby steps to get back to normal, and I really believe that laughter helps that. Not laughter alone of course, there are far more components that go into it than that, but it works for me.
So, regardless of what stage you're at, whether it's the eating-ice-cream-for-lunch-in-pajamas stage or the I-finally-opened-the-blinds-and-looked-outside-today stage, I guarantee a laugh from this site to at least get you started:
www.damnyouautocorrect.com
Hopefully some of those submissions at least make you smile. What do you recommend for laughter?
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