It's been exactly one month since Coach and I broke up, July 3rd. It's been 3 weeks since I told him I couldn't be friends with him, 2 weeks since he responded.
And so far, it's...not horrible. That's a big surprise.
The one speed-bump today was that I saw him while I was walking (Side note: my knee is killing me, I could barely run on it at all so I had to settle for walking most of the way instead.) Anyway, since I ran into him twice last week, I went earlier than usual even to ensure that I could continue my usual route without running into him. It's still too hard, and it makes me...sad?...that he's perfectly fine, going on about his day, that this has not effected him at all. So anyway, I went thinking I wouldn't see him - I was wrong. He was already in his car around. Just my luck. There I was just ambling along, didn't even notice him at first but when I realized it was him, all I could think was, "Oh fuck." I've been going the same route for three years and even when we were together, I've never seen him when I've gone running - until the last two weeks where I've seen him three times. Does the universe hate me or something?
Anyway, when this all first happened, BFF told me it would get easier, that every day would be better. At first I didn't believe him, because it just felt so awful. I didn't take into account that I've been through this before with Army Guy and The Supposed One. The difference this time I think is that I'm older; I knew what I wanted and I thought I was happy. And don't get me wrong, a lot of times I was happy. But the bad things were awful and as BFF reminds me all the time, I am better off without him. Sometimes though, it's hard to remember that.
You are the post breakup Queen of run-in's!! If I were you I'd just stop leaving my house, you know to eliminate ANY possibility at all of a run-in with the ex. I'd buy sufficient quantities of Ramen Noodles and SVU episodes and just hole up for all eternity. Ha ha. But in all seriousness - look at you continuing on with your routine. That's great, difficult, hard and frustrating I'm sure, but great just the same! I love your BFF by the way. Reminding you of the bad things is always the difficult part of a breakup, who wants to remember the why's for breaking up when you can remember the happy parts? It's like angel/devil at work.
ReplyDeleteI know! I don't even know how this has happened so suddenly, and it is frustrating. I always try to go in the morning when I wake up, because it's not too hot out yet and I remember when he goes to lunch because we used to have lunch together a lot. So when I saw him before, I just figured okay, I started too late, so I'll go even earlier. But yesterday that didn't work so well, I went at least 20 minutes earlier, and still saw him. I wish I could just ask him for his lunch schedule to avoid this but that's probably not a good idea.
ReplyDeleteI always think about the good things, we had so much fun just being silly, you know? We always used to say we brought out a mutual weirdness in one another, but it was a fun-weird, you know? I miss that. It's always difficult when you connect so well with someone, and they become so important to your life. Giving that up is awful.
I can imagine it would be horrible. Keep those good things, and bad things, in mind for what you need and definitely do not need in future relationships. I don't want to tell to you to cut out Coach thoughts, that's an impossibility, but if you're going to have all those fond memories swarming around your brain try to counteract them with occasional "why this relationship didn't work" memories as well. Little by little some negative thoughts, and I mean letting yourself remember specific problems in the relationship, will help reiterate the need for the continuation of the breakup and you'll see that you're moving on.
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