Recoveries and Setbacks

So a friend asked me to write about what these ideas mean to me and how I feel about them...I hope this turned out okay, perhaps it wasn't exactly what I intended when I started writing but this is what I came up with.

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Joey: Come on man, you never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.

Chandler: That's not true. I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don't say that I don't have goals!

Honestly, I haven't wanted to do much of anything, much like Chandler. Unlike Joey who can get over a relationship simply by taking a shower, Chandler and I are a tad more sensitive (though I probably more than him) and one of my favorite scenes is at the end of the episode after he and Janice have broken up, and he is just sitting in his recliner, listening to 'Endless Love' by Lionel Richie and singing. Maybe I identify with it, because music is like therapy for me when no one else knows what to do or say. But it's not that I'm just sitting holed up in my apartment all day and night - okay this was true for the first few days because I was a hot mess - it's just that that the things that were interesting to me before really don't hold much interest for me right now. This includes going to the bar on Friday nights that I've gone to for the last couple years - mostly because that is where Coach and I met, and there's no way I'm ready for that, especially seeing him with other girls, that would be too difficult. Either way, it's nothing personal and there are people who have gotten upset with me for not wanting to go out and do things and be my usual self. That in itself is frustrating at times; I know they mean well - at least I hope they do - but pushing me to do something I don't want to do isn't going to help anyone.

No matter what, there are always going to be setbacks in any kind of recovery. It happens, is to be expected, and I'm lucky to have some very understanding friends who realize this. Those who have been most helpful realized very early on that simply telling me to "get over it" is about the least helpful thing you can say to anyone in any kind of difficult situation, and I don't mean specific to just break-ups. I analyze and re-analyze and then over-analyze every situation, every conversation, everything that could mean anything. Some people have an easier time just saying "Fuck it" and moving on. I wish I was the second type, but I'm not. I can't change it, and I certainly won't apologize for it.

Personally, like I have mentioned before, I analyze, re-analyze, and over-analyze. It's a blessing and a curse. Eventually I can make the puzzle pieces fit together in a way that I may not like, but at least I can accept. I'm not at this stage yet, but it will come. Most of my friends would probably consider it more of a curse, but that's how I work through things - whether on my own or with the help of others. And I try to get every possible opinion I can, I tell the same story to six different people, to get six different opinions on what I am saying/thinking/etc, and then I analyze some more. It can be exhausting sometimes, but it helps me overcome a setback by talking my way through it over and over again.

Dealing with the first setbacks were hard, just because I felt like I had made progress, it was like I was starting all over at square one again. But then I talked through it again and again, and gradually the conversations moved from talking about Coach to talking about life, everyday things, the things conversations used to be made of before this mess happened. And I force myself to get out on days that I don't work by running - though as we know from recent experiences, sometimes that is the very reason for my setbacks. But I've noticed recently, that the recovery from a setback is starting to take less time. Last week, I was a mess nearly the whole week and it was not pretty. This week though, despite another set-back, I bounced back a lot more quickly.

I guess what helps the most is knowing who you can really count on - not the ones who tell you what you want to hear, but the ones tell you what you need to hear. The trick is, for it to be helpful, it has to be done in a way that is beneficial. Otherwise, it just ends up driving a rift between friends and that is certainly not going to help at all.